Today on International Women’s Day, I want to share something with you all.
And I want to be honest about my past to let you all know that I was a constant “yes” woman.
Yes, someone like me who shares inspirational, motivational, and uplifting content all the time was also addicted to the word “Yes”.
It’s a disease that is injected into women by society. Society makes the norms and the rules that a woman has to act a certain way and a certain share of tasks are to be performed by a woman only!
Are we not doing already more than required and yet not appreciated by society? Why should we do things that don't make us happy? Why should we stay at war with ourselves because of these reasons?
YOU DON’T DESERVE IT, GIRL!
I would always say yes to invitations, outings, interviews, dinners, friendships I didn’t want, and even do tasks that I was not always happy to do.
I did make stupid decisions by saying yes when I positively wanted to say NO, only because I didn’t know how to reject a particular idea or an offer!
I just didn’t know “How to say the word NO when someone is asking for a certain thing!”
I used to look down on myself and think “I was not capable of doing so. It was not my position to say NO.”
Eventually, I decided my life was not making me happy in the way I fancied. I realized that I was a too-good woman.
I would say yes when I meant no. I would take on all of the chores, responsibilities, plans, and workloads for others.
The problem is, in our current culture, we are taught to think and have to be super-women. One who is smart, productive, creative, a good lover, mother, sister, daughter, caretaker, all while having a positive and enthusiastic attitude in life. And yet not the one wearing pants! (so there is no validation for our putting efforts more than required and over-working yourselves.)
In a “yes” society, it is okay to say no. You do not need to follow the norms, the rules, or another person’s prototypes for your life.
We stay under certain myths and follow them blindly.
GIRL!!! WAKE UP!
✔ You do not need validation from social media.
✔ You do not need to do tasks for the entire family or your BFFs.
✔ You do not need to have it all together at all times, it’s okay to lose your calm(Just rise again and stronger each time.)
✔ You do not need to give details and an explanation.
✔ You do not need to over-work yourself.
Unless, of course, those things fulfill you. But trust me there is much joy in saying no instead of doing those tasks forcefully.
Find it difficult to say NO?
✔ Acknowledge the truth to yourself first — YOU CAN’T DO EVERYTHING!
✔ Know that it’s not your duty to make everyone HAPPY✔ Define your BOUNDARIES!
✔ Identify your PRIORITIES.
✔ Do not compromise your INTEGRITY in any way.
So, here are some hacks for you so that you can add more no’s into your life:
✔ Take a break from social media once in a while. Say (I am taking a break from the virtual world and living the real world)
✔ Don’t overwork yourself! Say (I am simplifying my schedule.)
✔ When people come to you with your problems and you don’t have your shit together. Say. (The best thing I can give you is my complete undivided attention.) You don’t have to be everyone’s therapist.
✔ When you are overloaded with work. (When I can do that, I will.)
✔ When you are having a bad day. Say (Right now, I need to rest.)
✔ You are not responsible for all the tasks. when you want others to share your tasks. Ask for it! (Please can you do that for me?)
✔ When you don’t wish to do a certain task. Say (I don’t feel this would be in my best interest right now.)
✔ When you need motivation. Say (You’ve got this.)
✔ When you want to say no to a task because you already have a lot to do, say (My plate is more than full.)
✔ No. A “No” is a complete sentence, no explanations necessary.
When you let other persons’ opinions matter to you, you start moving away from reality.
The reality my friend is that life is short and you sure don’t want it to be filled with things that puzzle you or tire you or keep you angry at all times.
When you take the simpler path of following your own heart, life is simpler and better. And if you are thinking right now that your life ain’t that sweet, it’s an indication to declutter yourself from things that stop you from feeling that you are amazing.
No one is going to acknowledge or reward you for over-giving!
So breathe, and enjoy a simplified life with things that make YOU HAPPY!